Each month, a member of the board shares a reflection on the Soul Matters monthly theme. The theme for March is Transformations. This month’s post is offered by Guy Johnson.
One of my favorite New Yorker cartoons is a picture of two women walking down the street – one of them turns to the other and says, “I’m doing so much better now that I’m back in denial”.
Denial can be a convenient way to avoid facing the pain of recognizing that something in your life is not right, and that transformational change is needed. Unfortunately, abandoning the short-term comfort of denial is not an easy task.
Richard Rohr observes, “Transformation more often happens not when something new begins but when something old falls apart. The pain of something old falling apart—chaos—invites the soul to listen at a deeper level. It invites and sometimes forces the soul to go to a new place because the old place is falling apart. Otherwise, most of us would never go to new places… This is when you need patience, guidance, and the freedom to let go instead of tightening your controls and certitudes.”
These words ring true when I think of two of the most meaningful transformations in my life. The first example involves a serious case of imposter syndrome that blossomed during my early 30’s. Outwardly, my life appeared to be going swimmingly. I was happily married, had earned a terminal degree in nutrition science and landed a meaningful job that I liked. My employer loved me and I was building a positive reputation within the nutrition community.
The only problem was that I was miserable due to a palpable lack of self-confidence. I was pretty much convinced that I was getting along on boyish charm and blind luck, and that it was only a matter of time before my secret was revealed and everything would unravel. Fortunately, things got so uncomfortable that I let my spouse in on the secret; and with her help summoned the courage to consult with a clinical psychologist who changed my life. Her counseling led me on a journey of self-discovery that culminated in an epiphany (in Mysore India of all places) that uncovered the truth of my self-worth and gave me the self-confidence to spend my energy living life rather than beating myself up. Wow!
The second major transformation came when the “dream” job I had taken after leaving the one that I loved (and yanking my family out of the place we all loved) turned out to be a nightmare. Once again, things were falling apart to the extent that drastic action became imperative. In an act of more desperation than courage, I quit my new job and started my own consulting business. I now thank my former employer for making my life so miserable that I had no choice but to take a chance. The result has been a rewarding and satisfying 23-year run with no end in sight.
Not all of the transformations in my life have been positive. Who knows what the future would have held if I had not left the job I loved? But what I have learned is that many of the positive changes that I’ve made in my life have been prompted by discomfort, and that community is essential if one is to summon the courage necessary to confront rather than deny such discomfort. The trick – whether in our personal lives, or the life of our church – is to have the wisdom and fortitude necessary to find the right balance between reckless optimism and paralyzing denial.
— Guy Johnson
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