Being Present with my Past

Recently, I have been exploring my family history: going through the photos and letters left to me by my mother when she passed away in 2023, and spending days building family trees at ancestry.com. I am no expert at genealogy, but I really enjoy this project. It is easy to spend hours chasing a family connection or working to identify the person in a photo. Each discovery is exciting, and often leads to new possibilities to explore.

One relative – my great-great-grandfather, Warren Olney – is easy to research online, because he was a public figure: a mayor of Oakland, CA, and the attorney who helped John Muir form the Sierra Club. But I got to know him better from what was in the boxes Mom left me: family photos, a memoir, and even a letter he wrote describing his experience in the first few days after the 1906 San Francisco earthquake and fire.

But what is missing are the personal stories that could help me imagine him more fully. And I must take some responsibility for that. When I was young, my grandmother told stories about her grandfather. And I never really gave them my attention. I was not present at that moment. Now, that moment has passed, and those stories are lost.

Last year, I was fortunate to spend a lot of time with my mother in her last months. Despite all the challenges of coordinating care, being present with her allows us to share some special moments with her. And when she passed, it left me with many of her family stories.

So, as I sit here now with her stories and a table full of family photos, I can imagine the past more vividly: my Mom riding horses in the 1950’s; our family camping vacations in the 1960’s; and me hiking with my Dad in the 1970’s.

I can also relive the many happy Christmas Eves from my childhood. As the holidays approach, these memories will help me continue to feel the presence of my parents and grandparents, despite their absence. And it will remind me to be fully present now with all the special people in my life.