The Practice of Repair

When I started thinking about the word “repair”, my mind went to Shawn Colvin’s song “Sunny Came Home” with one of its lyrics being the basis for the album title: A Few Small Repairs. Sunny decided the few small repairs called for in her particular situation included torching the place down. Repairing things can be really hard work, but hopefully we don’t land on arson as the answer.

The concept of repair ranges from a) not everything really needing to be fixed, to b) “church on fire”; get it done now. I think the hardest part of a significant “brokenness” is sitting in it long enough to understand the discomfort and be able to see aspects of it beyond the front and center emotional aspect. People will want to cheerlead you forward, and it can be tempting to do so, but you still have to take the hard look at it: pay now or pay later.

What I think is one of the hardest scenarios is when after time, Life decides to circle back around and see what happens with a fresh dust up of that thing you put behind you. Those days really stink because you probably don’t immediately go to channeling your inner Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump. Indeed, it very well could be a recurring theme in your life; your own Achilles Heel. But if you’ve chosen the “pay later” option, you’ll find that it’s grown with inflation.

But I think the skeleton within the work of “sitting in the discomfort” is actually a light on the horizon, because looking hard at the pain often reveals boundaries being ignored. Boundaries get a real bum rap because you might feel like you’re being selfish having them, when that absolutely should not be the case. And honestly, I think anyone telling you that you’re acting selfishly is most likely guilty of ignoring your boundaries because they don’t work for them. I know that focusing on healthy communication is one of the most important things in life because it factors prominently in all aspects of your life, but having healthy boundaries is right behind communication because it’s often what guides or directs how and why we communicate. Like I tell my kids over and over, your boundaries are how you expect to be treated, but also what you hold yourself accountable to with your own behavior. We aren’t a society of mind readers so they need to be shared, and enforced.

So yep, repair can be a hard and messy job. Approaching a problem or impasse with the intention of learning from the experience will add to your “toolbox” and make you all the more prepared for the next job, whatever size or shape it may come in. Conveniently/inconveniently, we get opportunity after opportunity to work on the practice of repair in our daily life. It’s a reminder of our capacity for compassion for ourselves and others, regardless of the degree of repair you go with, including respectfully declining if you find that in your heart.